The Only Way Is Weegie

The news that there is to be a local Glasgow TV station is excellent news for aspiring actors, actresses, presenters and backroom media staff across the city. Whether you are a rising star looking for a big break, a falling name keen to find one final payday or an avid viewer hoping for some local news, this is the channel for you.

After pulling a few strings and bribing some folk who should know better with a Tunnocks Gift Box, Get Around Glasgow are proud to unveil an example of the running order for the new channel. If you are looking forward to some good quality Weegie Watching, feast your eyes on this schedule….

06:00 – 06:30 The Hoops.
An ill thought out kids TV show focusing on loveable fuzzy creatures that support one of the cities football teams.

06:30 – 07:00 Bear In The Big Blue House
Balancing act to ensure that the other major Glasgow team have a kids TV show they can watch

07:00 – 09:00 Good Morning Weegie
A sedate breakfast show brought to you from the banks of the Clyde at the Media Centre. Join hosts Glen Michael and Dorothy Paul as they roll back the clock providing you a casual start to the day. Regular travel updates from SPT – Outer Circle liable to be suspended

09:00 – 10:30 The Sydney Devine Show
Aging crooner attempts to reconcile warring families and divided lovers through the use of lie detectors, audience singalongs and special guests. Today’s special guest: Barbara Dickson

10:30 – 11:30 The Brunch Bunch
Daily magazine show bringing you a slice of local life. Focus falls on the Merchant City and the ridiculous price of a pint of Peroni. The team also follows Tam Cowan after the shocking revelation that someone may have finally laughed at one of his jokes.

Piper at the Gallowgates of Dawn - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

Piper at the Gallowgates of Dawn - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

11:30 – 12:30 The Bellgrove Gardens
Documentary on the residents of The Bellgrove Hotel in the Gallowgate and their attempt to cultivate a city garden at the back of property

12:30 – 13:00 Weegie News
Catriona Shearer with the latest news, views and cheap booze offers at the Supermarkets.

13:00-13:30 National News and Weather
See how the rest of the muppets are getting on

13:30 – 15:00 Film: 500 Seconds Of Summer
Glaswegian romantic comedy featuring James McAvoy and Laura Fraser where a quirky couple try to have a romantic date during the one afternoon of Summer in the Botanical Gardens.

500 Seconds of Summer - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

500 Seconds of Summer - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

15:00 – 15:30 Where’s Smeato?
Daily quiz show. There is work to be done but John Smeaton can’t be found. Ring in to win if you spot him. Congratulations to last week’s winner Elsie Tannerbaw who correctly identified John was out skiving having a cigarette.

15:30 – 16:00 Ann-tinks Roadshow
Annette Crosbie takes two teams around Polmadie Car Boot Sale in the hope of finding some priceless heirlooms hidden amongst the tat and dodgy DVDs

16:00 – 17:00 Which Ebook Reader? Consumer Special
Tenuous link sees Eddi Reader reviewing the latest and greatest ebook readers for your perusal.

17:00 – 17:30 Meal or No Meal
Sadistic game show where neds attempt to stop the Meals On Wheel service reach the high-rise flats. You control water cannons by phone; can you clear a path for the staff? Calls cost £4 a minute; calls from a mobile will be bloody expensive.

17:30 – 18:00 The Cheapest Links
Consumer show highlighting the cheapest butchers in the city. Special focus on Davies Butchers fae Royston whose steak pie (with sausages) is on offer all week

18:00 – 18:30 Glasgow News
Full round-up of the latest arrests from the Offensive Behaviour at Football And Threatening Communications Bill. If time allows, other news will be examined.

18:30 – 19:00 The Ex Factor
If you’ve been dumped, this is the show for you to come on and slate your former lover. Tweet in with your comments, hosted by Lulu.

19:00-20:00 A Question of Taggart
Special edition with Blythe Duff hosting. So you think you know Taggart? Three contestants answer questions on their favourite episode before squaring off in the DI’s room to win the cash prize.

20:00 – 21:00 The Cubie
Popular weathergirl and presenter Cat Cubie presents live from The Armadillo where Glaswegians perform tricks of skill and aptitude. Tonight’s games include: Tossing the Greggs Bridie, Phoning in sick after a night on the town and guacamole balancing for the West End citizens.

21:00-21:30 2014 to Wan
Special episode showcasing the design process for the uniform of the Scottish team at the 2014 Games, hosted by Gok Wan and one of the lassies from River City..does it matter which one? They’re all fairly talentless and interchangeable anyway.

Pollok Stock & Two Smoking Barrels - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

Pollok Stock & Two Smoking Barrels - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

21:30 – 23:00 Film: Pollok, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
Gritty gangster film as two fighting families aim for control of the Pollok Centre. Shot in the days before the Silverburn shopping complex, marvel at period classics like Pars, Imries and the store where everyone bought their Joe Bloggs t-shirts from.

23:00-23:45 Dugs
Extended highlights of the Greggs Invitational Race Night at Shawfield

Shawfield Going to the Dogs - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

Shawfield Going to the Dogs - © Get Around Glasgow T-Shirts

23:45-00:00 Pictures of Muriel Gray
Aging motor mouth shows off some of her favourite pictures of herself

Aging Motor Mouth Muriel Gray - Looking At Me

Aging Motor Mouth Muriel Gray - Looking At Me

00:00-06:00 Get To Your Bed
Teletext and low quality adverts occasionally broken up by a middle aged woman with a rolling pin shouting GET TO YOUR BED!!!