According to that well known bastion of the truth Wikipedia, April Fool’s Day in Scotland is “Hunt The Gowk Day”. The traditional prank was to send someone to someone else’s house with a message with the aim of the recipient being to send the “gowk” or the messenger onto someone else. All great fun and hilarity no doubt, the sort of tom-foolery that was talked about for many years later over a wee dram. Technically though, that’s just rubbish and in the modern era of texts, Skype and social networking, that sort of prank won’t fly anymore.
The good old days of sending someone for some tartan paint or to ask for a long stand will never go out of fashion, not as long as DC Thomson keeps on printing The Broons and Oor Wullie but there is always scope for new pranks and hi-jinks you might wish to play. Here are some suggestions for you to get your kicks this weekend.
The Peckhams Palaver
We all know that the citizens of the West-End appreciate the finer things in life, choosing to shop in Waitrose and Peckhams and not just for the odd items, for their big shop, can you imagine this? You don’t even go to Markies for your big shop and yet here we have some folk in the city really taking it up a notch.
This will work best in the Peckhams in Hyndland but feel free to try it out in any swanky delicatessen; Shawlands is showing signs of getting ideas above its station as well. Peckhams is a grand shop, the one on Glassford Street has solved the carry-out conundrum on plenty of occasions but for getting most of your food, nah, it’s not the place to be.
However, there will be some who are happy to pop in and pay well above the odds for their eggs and milk and this is where the fun begins.
Head into the store armed with a purchase of 6 scotch eggs (mini ones will be suitable) from a Co-op or Tesco and then swap these for the 6 free-range, organic, BBC4 reared eggs that are on sale. From there, retire safely to the back of the shop, perusing the watercress and mango chives crisps while waiting on someone to pop in for their eggs for their Sunday breakfast.
With any luck, they’ll do the sensible thing and open the carton to ensure the eggs aren’t cracked and they’ll get the shock of their life at these breaded monstrosities sitting in place of their upper class yolky receptacles. If they just pick up the carton and head to the till, you have won a watch and you can have a laugh thinking of the shock they’ll get when they try to crack one in the frying pan when they are making a chorizo and aubergine omelette.
Just for the record, we quite like Scotch eggs but always find that the ratio includes too much egg and not enough Scotch.
Wishing I Was Dryer
If you have a special someone in your life who is delighted with the news that Wet Wet Wet have reformed you have our deepest sympathy because they really are terrible but hey, music is subjective and we like what we like. Then again, the fact that tickets are now on sale for a Glasgow Green show in the summer sets up a perfect opportunity for a cheeky April Fool’s gag!
In a quiet moment during the morning, you should go up to your loved one and say “I see that favourite band of yours has reformed, are you wanting to go and see them in the summer?” The answer will obviously be in the affirmative so you should reply “well, I’ve a wee Wet Wet Wet surprise for you” and then exit the room where you should find a bucket of water you prepared earlier. Come back into the room and throw the bucket of water over your loved one and inform her that’s the wet wet wet surprise she was waiting on. Hopefully she’ll see the funny side of it and will help you to clean up the mess you have caused.
What’s Bin Go-ing on?
If there is one thing that the good ladies of Drumchapel love, it is the bingo. If there are five things they love, it would be bingo, 20 Rothmans, Cider, shopping days in the Drumchapel Shopping Centre and bingo. Yes, bingo was mentioned twice but they bloody love it! The Mecca Bingo hall at the Great Western Retail Park does a roaring trade and where better to get together with some of your pals and have a laugh? Nowhere, that’s where!
This is probably the riskiest April Fools prank you can pull because you really shouldn’t be getting in the way of a bingo fan and their favourite game so we’ll give you a warning and say on your head be it. The thing is though, there are plenty of great gags to play on bingo players – some take some advance preparation, others can be done on the cuff.
If you want no preparation time and are ready to run fast, enter, buy a card, sit at the back of the venue and once the action starts hotting up, shout HOUSE. Then do it again. And again. Repeatedly cry wolf, getting the game stopped and feel the anguish and pain of the other players…we give you two, three calls tops before you get lynched!
A funnier and hopefully less risky move might be swapping the ink in a bingo players dauber for invisible ink. The player will be happily playing away, marking out the numbers as they go and will then shout HOUSE. The grumbles and groans will roll around the hall and hopefully by the time the adjudicator gets over to check the card, the ink magic will have kicked in and the markings will have disappeared from the card!
Lassies and Laddies
If the weather we’ve enjoyed this week holds for Sunday, there will be plenty of folk heading to beer gardens and general good old fashioned drinking dens. This means there will be plenty of people drinking in unfamiliar pubs and with good timing and a black marker pen, you can have a laugh.
A lot of pubs have quirky signs on their toilets doors but for many, the classic LADIES and GENTLEMAN can’t be beaten, it gives you the info you need to know when you need to know it, it’s a classic. However, with sleight of hand, LADIES easily becomes LADDIES and you have a quirky Glaswegian door sign indicating this is the room for men to pee in.
Picture the hilarity as man after man gets bundled out of the toilet by Glaswegian women with a drink in them…that’s not the sort of crowd you want to be messing about with! This sort of jape would go down well at Babbity Bowsers but if you want a riskier element of play, try it in The Goose or The Crystal Palace!
The Gregg’s Surprise
Go to one of the Greggs that serve you hot food at one counter before directing you to another counter to pay as these put your food into a bag with a clear side so you can’t dupe the counter staff. The choice of food is entirely down to you but at the moment, sausage rolls are 2 for £1 so that’s an economic way to play. This may work better if there is a queue because what you want to do is slip a spider (or any insect of your choice) into the bag and make sure it is visible from the clear side. Then, hand the bag over to the counter-staff. If they fail to notice it at first, address them with “hold on whats in the bag…” Hilarity ensues and you may even get the sausage rolls for free!
The football switcheroo
Buy Partick Thistle for £1 and make a lot of promises about turning the club around, getting it out of debt and putting it at the top of the SFL and then the SPL. Thereafter, renege on all of these promises, cheat the taxman out of considerable sums of money and then do a bunk while leaving your mates in charge of the football club under the title of “administrators”. Hmmm… maybe forget this one, it is far too implausible to ever take place.
Have fun, stay safe while having a laugh and as Nathan Barley used to say, “Keep It Foolish”.